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kimberly_a
Jun. 5th, 2003 08:13 pmThese questions from kimberly_a. If you want me to ask you questions, to answer in your own journal, say "interview me".
1. Okay, Mr. Laid Back Guy, what makes you anxious?
Death.
The idea of non-existence freaks the hell out of me. Also the spectre of all my friends and family slowly fading away as I move through the years, the inexorable pull of it all. I once had a dream about being caught in a whirlpool, and it slowly sucking me down, and there being no way to get back out, ever. Whenever I think too closely on mortality I feel like that whirlpool is forming in my mind.
That's pretty abstract. If you mean what makes me anxious in the short-term? Not a lot. I've sometimes had anxiety over whether whatever job I was at would continue; when I was at Chaosium it was extreme enough that it was giving me nightmares and so I left. I'm not worried about that right now at all. Sometimes when I'm out late at night, I might have some concern over someone who's following me a bit closely, but I just try and be vigilant. I'm worried every once in a while that we'll get a notice from the "Berkeley Beautification Committee" telling us to clean up our yard, but then I see the other wrecks around us and decide we'd be in a long line of notices. I sometimes worry that your depression or mania is going to get extreme enough that it leads to serious problems, but only when it's at a very pronounced stage. I often worry about the cats getting out. Sometimes, when I'm gone on a vacation, I worry about coming back to find my house/apartment broken-into/burned-down/etc.
So all the minutia of occasional worry you might expect to find in a normal life.
2. What, if anything, do you not like about yourself?
My lactose intolerance. The fact that other foods now make me sick on occasion, such as very rich beef and some beans. Getting sick really bugs me, as does having to be careful about what I eat to avoid it, especially given how dairy-obsessive this country is.
3. If you were given 3 wishes, what would they be? (standard disclaimers about wishing for more wishes and such tricks apply)
I find that one hard to answer because the scope of it is very difficult to measure. Can I alter my situation or can I alter the world?
#1. I'd want to be immortal, to be able to live until the heat-death of the universe sent me scurrying for other vistas. And I'd want that for you too, if you were so desirous. And, I should note I don't mean the shitty immortality that you sometimes see bounced about horror novels. I mean a perfectly healthy and happy immortality without sickness or age. Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod type immortality, without all the cutting off of heads. If the scope was large enough I'd want that for all my family and friends, or if possible for everyone in the world who choose not to have children.
#2. I'd want for people to be able to truly understand each other, to honestly and fully see each others' points of view. It would end all misunderstandings, most wars, and most hatred. Clearly this needs a huge scope to be useful at all because I wouldn't see this as worthwhile just for me alone; I'm not a saint but I feel I can at least try to understand other points of view without wish assistance.
#3. I'd want to be comfortably rich. Enough so that I didn't have to work, so that I could do whatever I actually wanted (program, write), and so that I could buy what I wanted without having to scrimp and save. Again, if the scope was large enough, I'd want this for family and friends, or for everyone in the whole-wide world. It's not about having more than other people, but being able to do what I want.
4. Which of your real-life friends do you like the best, and why?
I'll assume that you're implicitly omitting yourself from that question, else it would be simple and boring.
Eric, without question. We've got a huge amount of shared experience together. He's intelligent, funny, and creative. He's helped me out in many of my endeavors and I've helped him out in some of his. He's stubborn and doesn't accept the easy path. I've watched him learn and change, and I'm certain he's a happier and more fulfilled person than he was when I met him 14 years ago. I know he cares about me, and worries when things seem bad. Hell, you could go back and read my Best Man's speech for his wedding to get many of the particulars.
5. What do you think you get out of gaming? By which I mean what is it about gaming that calls to some part of you to make it so important in your life?
Socialization. Community. It gives me an excuse to see many of the people that I know and like best every weekend, something that wouldn't happen if we weren't all a part of this shared activity. That's by far the most important reason.
It also, to a lesser extent, gives me a chance to show off my wit and intelligence.
And to that same lesser extent, it is exciting sometimes. As silly as it might sound, there's an adrenal rush when you manage to defeat an opponent you shouldn't have been able to, a real sense of accomplishment.
And finally, I also enjoy the creativity. It's live improv drama.
kimberly_a. If you want me to ask you questions, to answer in your own journal, say "interview me".1. Okay, Mr. Laid Back Guy, what makes you anxious?
Death.
The idea of non-existence freaks the hell out of me. Also the spectre of all my friends and family slowly fading away as I move through the years, the inexorable pull of it all. I once had a dream about being caught in a whirlpool, and it slowly sucking me down, and there being no way to get back out, ever. Whenever I think too closely on mortality I feel like that whirlpool is forming in my mind.
That's pretty abstract. If you mean what makes me anxious in the short-term? Not a lot. I've sometimes had anxiety over whether whatever job I was at would continue; when I was at Chaosium it was extreme enough that it was giving me nightmares and so I left. I'm not worried about that right now at all. Sometimes when I'm out late at night, I might have some concern over someone who's following me a bit closely, but I just try and be vigilant. I'm worried every once in a while that we'll get a notice from the "Berkeley Beautification Committee" telling us to clean up our yard, but then I see the other wrecks around us and decide we'd be in a long line of notices. I sometimes worry that your depression or mania is going to get extreme enough that it leads to serious problems, but only when it's at a very pronounced stage. I often worry about the cats getting out. Sometimes, when I'm gone on a vacation, I worry about coming back to find my house/apartment broken-into/burned-down/etc.
So all the minutia of occasional worry you might expect to find in a normal life.
2. What, if anything, do you not like about yourself?
My lactose intolerance. The fact that other foods now make me sick on occasion, such as very rich beef and some beans. Getting sick really bugs me, as does having to be careful about what I eat to avoid it, especially given how dairy-obsessive this country is.
3. If you were given 3 wishes, what would they be? (standard disclaimers about wishing for more wishes and such tricks apply)
I find that one hard to answer because the scope of it is very difficult to measure. Can I alter my situation or can I alter the world?
#1. I'd want to be immortal, to be able to live until the heat-death of the universe sent me scurrying for other vistas. And I'd want that for you too, if you were so desirous. And, I should note I don't mean the shitty immortality that you sometimes see bounced about horror novels. I mean a perfectly healthy and happy immortality without sickness or age. Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod type immortality, without all the cutting off of heads. If the scope was large enough I'd want that for all my family and friends, or if possible for everyone in the world who choose not to have children.
#2. I'd want for people to be able to truly understand each other, to honestly and fully see each others' points of view. It would end all misunderstandings, most wars, and most hatred. Clearly this needs a huge scope to be useful at all because I wouldn't see this as worthwhile just for me alone; I'm not a saint but I feel I can at least try to understand other points of view without wish assistance.
#3. I'd want to be comfortably rich. Enough so that I didn't have to work, so that I could do whatever I actually wanted (program, write), and so that I could buy what I wanted without having to scrimp and save. Again, if the scope was large enough, I'd want this for family and friends, or for everyone in the whole-wide world. It's not about having more than other people, but being able to do what I want.
4. Which of your real-life friends do you like the best, and why?
I'll assume that you're implicitly omitting yourself from that question, else it would be simple and boring.
Eric, without question. We've got a huge amount of shared experience together. He's intelligent, funny, and creative. He's helped me out in many of my endeavors and I've helped him out in some of his. He's stubborn and doesn't accept the easy path. I've watched him learn and change, and I'm certain he's a happier and more fulfilled person than he was when I met him 14 years ago. I know he cares about me, and worries when things seem bad. Hell, you could go back and read my Best Man's speech for his wedding to get many of the particulars.
5. What do you think you get out of gaming? By which I mean what is it about gaming that calls to some part of you to make it so important in your life?
Socialization. Community. It gives me an excuse to see many of the people that I know and like best every weekend, something that wouldn't happen if we weren't all a part of this shared activity. That's by far the most important reason.
It also, to a lesser extent, gives me a chance to show off my wit and intelligence.
And to that same lesser extent, it is exciting sometimes. As silly as it might sound, there's an adrenal rush when you manage to defeat an opponent you shouldn't have been able to, a real sense of accomplishment.
And finally, I also enjoy the creativity. It's live improv drama.